I dont have a vision for myself or for my future. I have always felt lost and meandering througout life. i dont know if its because I lack a father, childhood friends, or if I simply am lazy. I dont want to live really. I am turning 20 in a few months and never felt at home in any community I have been apart of. I want a reason to be interested in life but all I see are lies and hollow people. I know I shouldnt an hero b/c at least I have decent genes but I dont see myself with a family, let alone a wife or the drive to support them by slaving away for a soulless company. Maybe im too idealistic or naive or perhaps I just need guidance.
If you could go back in time to my age, what would you tell yourself? what would you set out to do?
Im grasping at straws and Im sorry for the faggy blog. feel free to tell me to fuck off