Enjoying the onset of the Age of lead I see. Well, buckle up lad, things are only to get worse. Much worse. Don't let that crush your spirit though, that's what this Struggle is for. Don't be too hard on yourself, sometimes it can be difficult to overcome one's circumstances. You need to find something that motivates you, and such things are becoming increasingly rare in our rotten societies. Not only that, but we are also having what was left of our freedoms taken away from us. Actual freedom, not "freedom" to consoom and coom after slaving away most of our time. You need to understand that most things going on around your were specifically designed to defeat you. To slowly drain you, crush you, disintegrate you. If there is nothing to hold onto, invent it! Create it. It should be your innate ability. This darkest age is simultaneously the greatest opportunity to refine your diamond vessel.
I also let myself be carried a bit by the river of Styx, letting myself 'die' so that I can be reborn.
> I could just walk out the door and never come back.
Where would you go?
>This world is sickly, it is dying, rotting, and submerged in putrid substance
It's ever-encroaching. Putting it out of it's misery so that a new world can be born may be the only way, but I've been saying this for years.
>I need new circumstances
Try gradually creating them. One thing leads to another, find a different job, meet different people, move to a different area. Get out of your comfort zone. I know this is easier said than done however.
> Grail legend.
Well of Urd and Norns remind me of the Lady of the Lake a bit.
Archetypes are transcendent and impersonal. Gods are personalized manifestations of archetypes. "Schizos" (Not actual schizophrenics mind you) are most likely people who have certain mental faculties that the ancients had and which got gradually bred out of people either due to survival circumstances or systematically by the mundane powers.